CBD-infused Junk Email

My junk email has basically exploded in the last several months. I’m getting 300 junk emails a day! It’s all CBD supplements, erectile fixit pills, horny women, and Tinnitus – whatever that is. I also seem to have an issue with my US Bank/Chase/Target card that I didn’t know I had.

I am beginning to see this as a concerted marketing strategy. The advertising industry has made a career out of selling us things we didn’t realize we even needed. Now, they have taken it one step further and created an entire supply chain of interconnected products/services that support/lead to each other. Regardless of where you begin in the chain, you will be dragged kicking and screaming to them all. And the kicker is that you didn’t realize needed any of them.

Example: I’m feeling rather stressed and finally look at an email for CBD gummy bears and am convinced to give them a try. I purchase them with my Chase card, get mellow and kind of bunky at which time I contact a ‘horny local college student’ only to find out that I am too mellow to get it up for said ‘college student’, so I click on another email and purchase a years’ supply of Erect-ylanol on my USBank card. By this point, my Tinnitus is flaring up due to the screeching of my credit card bills and I am so stressed out that I need to upgrade to CBD-infused bubble bath to relax with my horny college girl and her mom. Now you might think that I have myself fixed up tight, but noooo….. It turns out that mom is still married. Luckily I just received a very timely email for Extreme Tactical Black Ops flashlights, which I, of course, purchase with my Chase card…

Now… you see what I mean.

I haven’t foggiest idea what an Extreme Tactical Black Ops flashlight can do, but I am very very sure they don’t allow you to put ‘Tactical’ on just any old flashlight. This ‘horny college student’s’ mom’s husband doesn’t know what he has coming.


This may be the CBD bubble bath talking, but I’m feeling like a psychic reading, right about now, and maybe a payday loan… hell, why not?

junk email

By Wayne Kearney

I am an engineer and struggling writer. By day I improve manufacturing processes and by night I write what ever the voices in my head feel like.

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