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Tag Archives: Life

I miss the stars of yesteryear
Before the emotions
Before the tears
Before the memories
When they were cold and crystal clear

I have found that too much familiarity can be a bad thing. Much of our enjoyment in life comes from our wonder at and awe of the unknown. Exploring and experiencing is life and as long as we can continue to seek new unknowns we can continue enjoying the awe and wonder.

But once we reach the point where everything in our life is familiar or a ‘been there, done that’ moment, we can only look back at our past and remember feeling those things. Like most things, it’s never quite as good as the first time.

I am fortunate to still be in the wonder and awe stage of my life. My wife and I are still exploring the world and chasing new experiences and new knowledge. We like to travel to more and more exotic places and try new foods and activities. I always strive to remain in wonder of the world and of the people around me. I am never bored, there are too many things to do and experience. I don’t watch much television because I have things I want to DO and experience and NONE of them are on television!

However, the excitement of discovery and experience can only survive a limited number of cycles before familiarity sets in. The wonders that once took your breath away can become mundane and ordinary. For example: How many of the people living in Denver still look out at the mountains with bated breathe? I love the mountains and am still in awe of them every time I see them. However, I also don’t see them Every Day!

There are people that actually LIVE IN ROME. What….??!!?! How could they not be in absolute awe of their surroundings every single day of their lives? I mean really?

Answer: They could see them every day of their lives. That’s how.

As I said: Too much familiarity can ruin the surprise or destroy the magic, destroy trust, taint emotion, and temper the awe and wonder of youth. As I get older I sense my wonder slackening. I am surprised by fewer movie twists or horrible news events because I’ve seen so many others. I don’t want to be that cynical old grump that frowns away my last years. I want to explore and wander and look up at the stars and breathlessly wonder at the mysteries of the universe.

PS: My wife and I are traveling to San Francisco on Friday. I’ve never been and am excited to explore. COVID is certain to put a damper on many of the activities we had planned (no Alcatraz, no Winchester House) but there will be plenty of hiking and scenery. And maybe some wine… We’ll see.

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It has been a while since I’ve posted any poetry, which is sad because that was one of the reasons I started this page. However, I was under that mistaken belief that there was a paying market for poetry out there and that if you posted your work online, they wouldn’t take it. That part is actually true, but there is a minuscule market out there for poetry. So I decided that it wasn’t worth my time. I still love poetry and write it when I can, but I will be posting it here for the time being. Enjoy.

I wrote this poem for my grandson for his birth in 2014. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since. Life…

On Day One

Our first meeting

You fresh to the world

Still wet around the ears and scared

I smiled the worlds’ welcome

On Day One

You were all things

All potentials and possibilities

The seed of everything, anything

On Day One

Perched on the cusp of infinity

You were a multiverse at a point

An infinity, a singularity

You could be anything, go anywhere

With all of life before you

Please spread your wings and savor it all

For you will never be more free

Than on Day One

From here on the world closes in

It presses around you

Forms you

Controls you

Stereotypes you

No path is completely untraveled

No life without influence

After Day One

Forces will pull you

Warp you

Change you

So hold on to what you can of yourself

For only on Day One

Were you completely free and completely you

I went to high school in a small town in Northern Minnesota. It was a great place to grow up and taught me the value of hard work and education and getting out. I left soon after graduation, eventually gained a college degree and a career. Since then I’ve continued my education and explored the world. However, like many people, I failed to maintain contact with friends from home or people from my past. I honestly suck at keeping friends. But Facebook and other social media have made it possible to reconnect with people or even to stalk them if you are just curious and unwilling to actually reach out to them.

Lately, Covid-19 and middle age have got me thinking about the old days and old acquaintances. Curiosity eventually led me to Facebook in search of old classmates. A few of them had at least a basic profile and some pictures. It turns out that most have not gone far from home. Most are still in that little town raising kids and hunting and fishing.  Living the Good Life, so to speak. Things haven’t changed much.

It is wonderful to see them with kids and grandkids, looking so mature and happy and in some cases old. Compared to many I seem to be aging well. Good for me.

What struck me most during my look-through of posts from home was the unexpected realization of how far we had drifted in ideology. The Trump flags and assault rifles and racism were surprising. And disappointing. Could these be the same people I knew from the halcyon days of my youth? Could we all have come from the same place that molded what I believe and who I am? It made me question my view of the place and stripped away the whitewash that time had used to cover up the old uglinesses.

I then recalled the homophobia, sexism, the Indian jokes and hatred, and the narrow insulationist thinking. And I remembered why I left. I never belonged there. Not ever.

People will always have disagreements on important issues but I have made a lifelong point of avoiding extreme opinions. I’ve tried to see both sides of an issue in order to meet in the middle. I believe that once you remove the most extreme ideologies we tend to agree on more than we think. We should concentrate on the things we agree on rather than getting angry about what we don’t. There is always a middle ground where we can live as neighbors. But the social media coming out of my hometown doesn’t make me believe that I could find a middle ground there.

I’ve considered going home for a visit, but I have no family there and haven’t been back in almost twenty-five years. I also realize now that I don’t have any friends there really, just people I used to know. I’m not a part of that world anymore and I’m fine with that. I also believe that the part of there that I thought I carried me never really existed or else was chased out of town and forgotten like a gay cousin.

Maybe I’ll visit someday, but I’m in no hurry to put myself through that. Particularly since no one there has reached out to me. Maybe someday.

Or – maybe it’s not that you ‘can’ never go home, but that you never should. Maybe it was never home, to begin with.

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The weather has held, but the labor is not fairing so well. I’m getting worn and tired. But I am plugging forward. We completed the small patio area under the deck. The place where my grill was parked didn’t have a full brick underlay so my wife wanted to use larger paving stones to redo it. I’ve done larger sizes before am not a fan. I’m not sure why maybe my technique is not up to it?

However, our cat Turkey has turned into quite the assistant. Has to have his paw in everything.

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Turkey supervising.

But we finished that area on the weekend and then did the next section in the original repurposed red brick. The smaller bricks were much easier to work with. They are more forgiving. The area is NOT level or uniform or anything else professionally expected. I mortared the joints on Monday after work. It took a lot more than I expected. However, they are pretty and permanent. That is enough for me.

My knees and feet are killing me. Today, rather than tackle the next section, we broke mandatory isolation and snuck to Menards for more mortar and sand. I think we had 1000lbs of materials in our old beat-up minivan. It was NOT happy.

Tomorrow we’ll tackle the run to the garage. It should be easier than the patio. I might know what I’m doing now. My goal is to survive this lawn. I haven’t bled into it yet, but I gave it all my aches and pains. This is why people hire professionals.

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The weather here in St Louis has been cool and sunny. Perfect for DESTROYING… I mean remodeling a yard.  My wife is still working from home and it is beginning to wear on both of us. (I go to work daily to get away from her.) She is taking her frustration on our back lawn. Weekend #2 is coming up, so I’m sure there will be some significant activity.

During the week we work on it in the evening. I have sprayed chemical death on everything living and it is all turning brown. I’m assuming that is a good sign. We also decided to dig up the sawtooth leaf thing on the side of the yard.

Can you tell I’m not a plant guy? I have NO IDEA what these things are called. They all have leaves, a stem, maybe flower…plants, right?

Anyway, we dug up the hideous sharp leaved plants that were there when we moved in. The roots went deep, so I had to dig up the yard a bit. I expect to see them again. Nothing with roots like that dies easily!

Now, while we wait for everything to finish dying, we’ve decided to redo that path also. So, yesterday we dug up all the old bricks and trim. We even found some old path we didn’t know about hidden under an overgrowth of grass. Tonight, I’m researching how to install a bricked garden path. This should be interesting.

Please keep in mind that we are renting this property. I keep trying to explain that to the wife, but she must have what she wants. Because… Happy Wife, Happy Life.

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